AJA DANG
“The only thing I’ve ever feared in life was not figuring out what I was supposed to do. That was my only fear.”
I NEVER FEARED DEATH OR NEVER GETTING MARRIED OR HAVING KIDS. THAT WAS NEVER A THOUGHT OF MINE.
IT WAS ALWAYS NOT FINDING MY PURPOSE. And I found it once I really stopped giving a shit about what people thought of me and started being more open and honest about my feelings.
Once I started talking about my student loan debt on YouTube, people were shocked that somebody would be so open.
I’m just not easily embarrassed.
While I didn’t expect for it to blow up so much, I just thought - okay, someone has to be experiencing the same thing.
If you don’t have access to people who talk about things you’re feeling then you just don’t know that people are going through the same thing.
I’m a huge proponent of therapy.
To me, it’s so important. And I’ve tried to find therapists in LA but my favorite one was at USF where I went to university. Finding that one person is like dating. It’s hard. People are always asking me questions about whatever it is that they’re dealing with and a lot of the time I’m just like, you just need to talk to someone.
You need to talk it out. It’s healthy. and it helps. I don’t know why people are so afraid to admit that they need to talk to someone.
I’ve never had super dark moments.
I mean I’ve been sad and I’ve been depressed. But I feel like we all are at one point. But sometimes I just get tired of feeling that way and I get myself out of it.
I’ve found ways that help me get out of particular moods.
Like when I was in San Francisco, I would just ride on the bus and listen to music. That was my thing. It’s what I loved to do.
And here in LA, I can’t really do that because it’s not too enjoyable. But just walking, not talking to anyone. . . Sometimes you just need that one thing. And when I lack motivation, I watch Beyoncé videos.
Sometimes I just need to let it pass. And not put too much pressure on myself to figure it out or get out of it. Sometimes you just need to live it.
When i get in those moods (because sometimes they’re just moods) -
I wake up and I’m like wow I’m really in a bad place right now. I simply text my friend, “I’m in a mood”. And she’s like, “okay me too”. And that’s the conversation. It’s like, all right we’re both in moods. Whatever. It’s emotion. You’re not always going to be happy.And with people who are always happy, it really scares me. Like they’re hiding something.
We’re also a society of . . .
“this has to be fixed”. You have to fix it this way. You have to fix it that way.
Sometimes you just can’t fix it and you have to live through it or let it pass. And you just feel better when you’re ready to feel better. There’s not always a particular way to get out of that.
But I think that just takes time to know who you are and where you are and what you’re feeling and what you need at that moment.
I feel like that’s what I do when I turn on my camera to record. I just verbalize whatever is on my mind and however I’m feeling. But if anyone were to ask me, I wouldn’t mention any of those things in real life.
I haven’t done this in awhile because I haven’t felt like I needed to, but in the past if I ever felt like I was in a low place or I was just really crying, I would sit in front of a mirror and talk to myself. That’s how I would get through my emotions and stop crying. I would talk to myself and pretend that someone was asking me questions and I’d answer them back. So that’s what I feel this camera has become for me. An evolved version of that.
After I talked to myself, I wouldn’t tell anyone else.
Because it was already out there. It was already said. And then when I was feeling insecure, I would write things on the mirror about what I liked about myself. And sometimes it was really stupid. Like I didn’t bite my nails today. It could be whatever. But everyday I would just write something down. And after 7 days there were 7 things that I liked about myself. And that somehow made me feel better.
It got me that confidence back.
It’s really not that hard to practice self-respect.
I feel like a lot of people who don’t practice it are surrounding themselves with people who put them down.
It’s nice to have people around who can remind you of how far you’ve come.
We all get caught up in it. I get caught up in it all the time. You forget to look back at where you started. So sometimes you just need that reminder and that encouragement.
You need to surround yourself with people who build you up.
I used to go and pick up candles that would represent something I wanted. So every time you see the candle, you would have to be grateful for whatever it is that you’re thinking about. And hopefully, by the end of that candle’s life, you found the solution or whatever you’re looking for.
And it always happened for me. And I’m not saying that the candle had the power but you have an intention of figuring something out and you figure it out. Because you put that as a priority.
I’m a pretty practical person.
I do wish sometimes I was a little bit more relatable in the sense that I know not everyone can feel the way I feel about myself.
Everyone has the opportunity to feel good about themselves.
it’s hard to explain to someone how to get to that point. But you can.
Aja Dang is an entrepreneur and finance YouTuber
interview, photos and direction by Lauren Pierce-bautista
2018. Los Angeles, CA.